


Punishment

by Ruquas



Series: Marvel Bingo 2019 [6]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Past Brainwashing, Self-Hatred, marvelbingo2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-06-02 04:32:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19433998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruquas/pseuds/Ruquas
Summary: What surprised, and frightened, him though was the fact that the Soldier was afraid. He was hurt and just felt as if he had been punished, but there was also fear. So much fear and it wasn‘t an emotion the Soldier usually did. And Bucky knew, he just knew that something bad happened.





	Punishment

Breaking the programming was one thing. Getting rid of the triggers had… well, it hadn‘t been easy, Shuri said, but it wasn‘t something had been impossible, either. Bucky would know. Because now there wasn‘t anything to keep _him_ at away.

The Winter Soldier was now as much his identity as Bucky himself was. He got used to it. The others got used to it.

They got used to the sometimes silent staring the Soldier did, all the while while Bucky was pleading with him to not attack them. The Soldier didn‘t really understand and Bucky couldn‘t blame him. He had been trained to hurt, to get information and to kill. And now, his skills were only used when they were trying to save the world. And it was rarely bad enough that they _needed_ Bucky or the Soldier. So he rarely had any missions. Steve had tried to include him in those missions and everything was fine until one day Natasha got hurt because the Soldier hadn‘t been fast enough. And then there was a mixture from Bucky and the Soldier, both almost hyperventilating. Bucky had cried, but the Soldier had been silent while he awaited his punishment. Steve had been deeply disturbed by this, didn‘t want to listen. Couldn‘t. And Bucky couldn‘t blame him, either. Accidents happened, and Bucky got it. He really did.

But this was the only way the Soldier knew how to handle those accidents. Punishments. And when none came, the Soldier had been confused. And then… angry. He didn‘t like mind games. He couldn‘t understand why he wasn‘t being punished, why no one tried to get him back in line. The Soldier was afraid, desperate, Bucky knew that. He knew that when bad behaviour wasn‘t being punished, it meant that it wasn‘t worth it anymore. The Soldier didn‘t want to be put down, didn‘t listen to Bucky who had tried to explain to him that this wasn‘t how it worked. Not anymore.

No one had listened to Bucky, either, when he explained how it worked for the Soldier.

Bucky wasn‘t surprised that the Soldier just… exploded one day. He wasn‘t surprised to wake up and find himself in a trashed apartment, not knowing where he was. He wasn‘t surprised that he smelled like alcohol, because even though it didn‘t do anything to him, they both still liked the taste. 

What surprised, and frightened, him though was the fact that the Soldier was afraid. He was hurt and just felt as if he had been punished, but there was also fear. So much fear and it wasn‘t an emotion the Soldier usually did. And Bucky knew, he just knew that something bad happened. A groan got his attention and before Bucky knew it he had walked to the room where the groan had come from and froze.

This room was also trashed, it probably had been a bedroom once. But there was Clint. The only person who wasn‘t afraid of him. Who treated him like a human being. Who treated the Soldier as a human being. And Clint just laid there, looking broken. Carefully, he took a few steps, each step heavier than the one before. The Soldier really didn‘t want to go over to Clint.

„Clint?“

Bucky felt nausea hit him when the other man flinched. He fucking flinched. And then he looked up and Bucky felt the bile rising. Clint‘s face was bruised. He had been crying. A split lip. And his clothes were… torn. And why the fuck was Clint trying to smile?

„Feeling better?“, the other man croaked, the smile not reaching his eyes while he stood up and hissed, taking a few steps. Limping. And then stumbling. He saw blood on Clint‘s trousers. The Soldier provided him, not entirely willingly, with the information that Clint smelled like sex. Bucky felt his throat tightening up. Had the Soldier really ripped apart the one good thing to punish himself?

„Can I… no, not touching. I… how? What…“, he tried to ask but he just knew that he didn‘t want an answer. Didn‘t need one. Still, Clint reached for him.

„Just help me get home.“, the other man murmured and then whispered, barely loud enough to be heard and most certainly not for Bucky to hear;

„Didn‘t matter with the touching yesterday anyway.“

The Soldier felt ashamed and sad and afraid. Bucky really wanted to throw up. But that would mean letting go of Clint. Letting the other man fall down. To hurt him even more. He couldn‘t do that. He would bring Clint to the tower. Would make sure that Clint got into bed or somewhere soft. Would call someone so they could make sure that Clint got treated. And then he would go. Somewhere, where the Soldier couldn‘t use people he loved to hurt himself as a punishment.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the [Marvelbingo 2019](https://marvelbingo.tumblr.com/), which can also be found here on AO3.
> 
> You can find [my Tumblr here](https://ruquas-dreambell.tumblr.com/). If you have a request or anything, just let me know it there :)


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